December 6, 2013
What can you get a wookie for Christmas, when he already owns a comb?
If ever there was an axiom for the festive season it’s that a Christmas record is good for nothing but its artwork. And even then, you might prefer to feed them to the fire, were it not for the god awful smell. Thankfully somewhat confined to the darker annals of pop history and hailing mainly from a time when the record industry still felt they could make a profit of these monstrosities (and casual/calculated sexism was par for the course), Christmas records have been about as fashionable as the ubiquitous knitted jumper (although with Wu-Tang on the case, maybe that tide is turning too). That said, groaning at their extreme kitsch remains one of the great annual treats.
Some of these do the rounds every year, others perhaps not so much, and while the music certainly ain’t no Bowie & Bing, the very existence of these splendidly hideous objects just about makes the whole thing worth while.
Cheer up, Afroman.
Snow globe funk.
A scarf for Skywalker.
Who knows what the message here is.
Christmas on Death Row.
Christmas is for the family.
Fats Domino and a poodle.
Christmas is capitalism.
Christmas is capitalism (explained).
Christmas in Hawaii.
Khristmas with Korla.
Liberace in furs.
The creepiest one of the lot. Hands down.
Christmas in a progressive household.
Stimulus Progression #3.
Ray Charles riding the sleigh.
Santa x Zizou
A snowball fight in Puerto Rico.
Space age santa.
Sun Ra made a doo-wop Christmas record.
Norwegian wooden troll Christmas.
This looks more fun.
Cheer up, Yellowman.